The Glass Wall

Looking through the glass window I could see everything I wanted, I could see the person I wanted to be, doing the things I wanted to do, surrounded by the people I wanted around me. It was so close but yet more than a 100 miles away. The transparent barrier was holding me back, stopping me from being happy, being content. But the question was where had this barrier come from, what exactly was it that was stopping me? Judgemental elders? The questioning society? Or was it something else? Of course I didn’t have an answer to that, so I turned my back on it and walked away. I walked and walked but when I finally turned around to see how far behind I had left the life I desired and it was right there. Right behind me. I couldn’t run away from it. The idea of that world, that parallel universe where I was able to do everything I wanted with my life was haunting me. I tried walking towards it again, but that wretched glass wall was still there. Where did that barrier come from? The question was eating my brain. I longingly looked at it, I wanted it so bad, so I decided to break it. I took a few stepped back and broke through the glass. I was going to live the life I wanted to live. Everything was exactly as I imagined it to be, I was in, I was amongst the people I never thought would acknowledge me, and I no longer felt small next to that one friend who was the common link between me and this new group of people. Nothing could upset me now, I was happy. Sad part was I forgot this wasn’t reality. The universe turned on me, this other dimension wasn’t where I belonged. I could see the tiny signs That were being sent to remind me of how out of place things were, but I was blinded by the idea of living my fantasy. Nothing seemed wrong to me, or even if it did I ignored it. However the feeling caught up with me, the feeling of not belonging. This wasn’t my place, I could feel it now. Something was changing in me, this weird feeling getting stronger, a feeling very familiar to me, the feeling I had broken through…fear. I was afraid again, afraid that I would be a joke, a runt in the litter. Fear that I really did not belong. I was deluding myself, I could never be a part of this world and it wasn’t till that common friend made it obvious, I should have never have broken that wall. That instant there was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and just like that the barrier was back. I was looking through the glass again, through the transparent barrier made of my fears.

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