Unhinged Realities and Unfortunate Expectations.

 The deafening silence was broken by his exasperated sigh. It was the kind of day where you were done with the world and it’s impatient, judgmental people. “They look at me and see the me they want to see,” he whispered to the silence taking a long drag from the burning cigarette in his hand. “No one will see you like I do,” his reflection replied. He stared harder at the mirror before him and gave a bitter laugh “and they call me narcissistic for believing that.” His smile was sarcastic. “Even if someone does see through the facade, how can I believe they would be strong enough to stand by what they see?  I can’t control what people think but I can control how close they can get to understanding me. I refuse to hand over my reality  and my emotions to someone else so they have a hold over me. I can’t create weaknesses. I don’t need anyone else, they need me,” he thought aloud. He took another drag and stared up at the ceiling hanging on to the words he’d just uttered. “Look at me, what do you see?” The man in the mirror asked. “The real person they refuse to believe exists” he answered without looking. “There’s a man of many talents, with a misunderstood heart and an underestimated mind. Eyes that wander, keeping the doors of the soul locked. A human, like any other, but extraordinary at numerous levels” the reflection reflected. “You’re opinion doesn’t count, it’s biased,” he laughed out smoke and turned to see his reflection laughing with him. “Life is like a song – the pitch changes according to the melody. I’m adamant to ensure the composition of mine is balanced and not auto-tuned.” he smiled a sad smile and exhaled the smoke of his troubles away, preparing for another day of the same, unhinging reality.
Music had lost its ecstasy, the fiction writers had lost their fixation and people had lost her trust. She lay in bed, mind overflowing with the thoughts of a woman on the verge of collapse. She stared at the white ceiling hoping to see beyond the paint, bricks and cement. The chains she threw around the arising emotional conflicts broke, unable to tame them. “When will I start enjoying my own company?!” she exclaimed in frustration. “Ok me, lets have it, ambush me with your degrading questions,” she thought out loud. Instantly the demons awoke, all set to pounce. “You can never be like the other girls, you’ll never be worth it, you were made to be emotionally exploited – your heart was created to be broken,” whispered the demon of insecurity formulating out of the darkness. “That’s what makes me different – I’m not like the other girls, my heart makes other people’s lives better – so what if I have to endure a little pain it’s worth it in the end” she defended herself. The empty room erupted into laughter and the sinking feeling in her stomach started to grow. “You? Making lives better? Don’t you get it, they’ll all be better off without you, no one is irreplaceable,” fear chuckled. She shook her head hoping these words wouldn’t take refuge in her mind. “Who said happiness awaits? This is the best you’re going to get, now watch it slip away,” piped in uncertainty. The demons were clearly having a ball, circulating her mind giving her their worst. Then came the evil of all evils, expectation. “Funny isn’t it? The pain of crushed hope, the destruction of optimism? You really started to think those people cared? That they had made a special place in their hearts for you?” He gave a loud sarcastic laugh “whoever comes close to you realizes what a waste of time you are and starts to pull away. Yet you still expect someone will suddenly love you more than anyone else? How stupid are you?” She wasn’t stupid, she thrived on hope –  hope that was being murdered by the hands of expectation and fear. “When will you learn stupid girl that you’ll always unintentionally expect things from people and break your own heart. You make it all too easy, what with always looking at the best in people and thinking they’ll do the same for you? They’ll believe your honesty, trust your loyalty and appreciate your friendship? Naive stupid girl.” She burst into tears as expectation gaffawed in satisfaction. Curled up into a ball, she cried her eyes out unable to fight off his control. The fear of living had taken its toll, she had been destroyed by the hands of unfortunate expectations.


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